Valentine’s Day. It’s been done to death in rom coms, lambasted on Loose Women and written about by umpteen to the dozen loved-up or love-loathing journalists. It’s enough to make you want to tear up all the hideous bears holding pink hearts there and then. It’s essentially marmite: you either love it or hate it. But why do we get so wound up – or indeed loved up – over one day? And what ever happened to imaginative gifts (“chocolates and flowers AGAIN!”)?
Perhaps it’s the classic “because everyone else is” syndrome. Valentine’s is essentially drilled into you from Primary School. Accessories have always allowed you to climb the overrated, yet sadly powerful, ladder of social success: “Chloe-Nicole Bloggs has got a mobile phone, so I want one too,” and then six years later: “but Muuum, everyone else in my class is allowed a drink at the party!” Sound familiar? Thus, a Valentine’s card and, for bonus points, a date, seem to be vital props for fitting into the silly world of the ‘social norm’. So, naturally, if you’re lucky enough to have an ‘other half,’ you walk around on cloud nine with a large prescription of rose-tinted glasses, feeling you have achieved some sort of success. If not, well – there’s a tendency to wallow.
So, if you are a wallower in need, my mission is to help you. In the essence of the bizarrely popular craze of KEEP CALM slogans, I’m taking things back to the basics – “KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON”. President Obama will not be taking a Valentine’s vacation tomorrow to spend the day with his wife, Fiona Bruce will still read the news, and my cat will still be undecided as to whether to venture outside. THE WORLD DOES NOT STOP ON VALENTINE’S DAY.
If you take yourself out of the social bubble with its pressure to receive a carnation and the seemingly endless stream of hand holding couples it really is just a normal day. It is only going to be a big deal if you make it out to be – and you have the power to turn it around. You’ve got two choices: feel sorry for yourself for not having a date/carnation or create some other focus for the day.
Start organising something exciting with your flat mates– a holiday, a trip to see a band, a sleepover, or a party. It then allows you to change any Valentine’s-centred conversation and take the focus away from moaning or swooning numpties! Create a new purpose for the day and you’ll forget that it’s even the 14th February.
If you’ve got some single friends then why not go down the old “if you can’t beat ‘em join ‘em” route and go out for a girls’/lads’ meal or to the cinema. Don’t worry about there being too many luvvy duvvy couples – think about it, you can always admire any eye candy or giggle at the ‘how did he get her!’ (or indeed vice versa) pairings!
The most important thing to remember is not to feel that you are inadequate because you are not allowed to participate in the ‘normal’ celebration of Valentine’s Day. For a start, one day out of the whole year is hardly ‘normal’, and furthermore, if E.T. was watching from outer space and saw our sudden and frantic compulsion to give gifts of cocoa powder and lard, accompanied by a very specific type of flower, he’d think the world had gone mad!
Crucially though, I know that the day can, if you are single, make you feel that you are all alone or that there is something wrong with you because you haven’t got anyone. Utter nonsense. My Dad’s friend went almost 60 years without meeting the right person and now, several holidays, one house, and two cats later, they’re set for many Valentine’s (and large restaurant bills) to come. If they’re not proof that there’s hope for Valentine’s singles then I don’t know who is! OK, you might not want to wait 60 years but don’t just accept a date out of pity – the trick to being single is about being confident and knowing someone will come along in good time. Just keep smiling, and somebody will take a shine…
Finally, a perhaps enlightening point for anyone who may still slip back into the Valentine doldrums is that having a Valentine still doesn’t equal total movie happiness. I recall a conversation with my friend last year. “Well I liked the card, but I would really have preferred him to have written more inside. He also wrote it in marker pen so it looked messy and rushed,” she told me. You see, having a Valentine can actually still cause stress: “I wrote more than he did. He’s not really bothered”. Then there are the awful incidents where one partner actually forgets! Not to mention the endless dithering and questions in the run up: “What if I spend a lot more money than he does? What if the card is not right? Too cheesy? Too comical? Do I buy a present – WHAT do I buy??” You get the idea.
Valentine’s is really idealised and romanticised nonsense, fuelled via the supermarkets shoving wine bottle and tubby teddy bear deals down our throats to maximise their February profits. But, if there’s one thing to do, it’s to make the most out of the day! If you are single you can either look Cupid in the face and organise a flat mates’ night out in defiance, or you can calmly shrug your shoulders, remember how loony the whole day has become, and prepare to get excited about the next big summer party that you’re going to plan.
If you are loved up, then I hope you have a lovely day too! After all, it’s the opportunity to take the time to really tell someone how much they mean to you, which you might not do every day. Although, perhaps try giving a gift other than chocolates and a rose…go on, I dare you!
