Thanks to task.fm for the picture
We’ve all done it. Thought we’d found the ‘one’. You were inseparable. Fred and Ginger, Victoria and Albert, Darcy and Elizabeth. Pah, they had nothing on you! All those hours spent together, the shared stories, the piggy back rides home after a night out. You’d laughed together, cried together, lived in and out of each other’s pockets and suddenly…
BAM. It’s over. You might have suspected something, you might have not. You may have had the odd argument or tiff, and maybe things weren’t as great as when they started, but you never thought that it was really going to end. There’s no breaking young love, right? Or so we all thought…
So I thought too! Turns out, young love is about as solid as a piece of dry Blu-Tack and your romantic Darcy-in-the-lake-style relationship can turn out to be more Katie-and Peter-break-style. So, if you find yourself in a pickle over a plonker this term, never fear! Read these steps and you’ll be bright and breezy in no time and soon forget about…what’s his name again? (There you go, you’re already on the right track).
1. Let it out. You might want to throw your favourite cuddly toy across the room, your bag, your cushion, whatever unfortunate object is in reach. And by all means, if this will help, then go ahead. Scream down the phone to your mum/best friend/whoever will listen (although don’t forget to accompany them to buy a hearing aid at the end – it’s the least you can do).
2. DON’T spend more than a couple of hours wallowing. I mean it. That’s the cutoff point. Any more than that and you won’t be getting up off the sofa and relieving yourself of your old grey Eeyore pyjamas any time soon. And what’s the point? If the break up’s final you can’t change it. All the crying in the world won’t help. Let’s accept what has happened, take a chance, and move on.
3. Do something that’s fun immediately! Whatever it is: a weekend break, clubbing, a gig, a girls’ night, plan something exciting to take your mind off what has happened. The more you have fun with friends, the more you will convince yourself that shock horror you are actually having a good time without the ex! Plus, it’s also a great way to realise that you are not alone at all, and have a line of mates as long as freshers week queue to Liquid N Envy!
4. However, you might have been cut off from your friends? Has the ex taken the lot? (the b*****d!) Or maybe you’ve made the mistake of making them, in the words of Chesney Hawkes, the ‘one and only’. But, fear not! Throw yourself into something new. Join a new club or society. Apply for a job. Apply for work experience. Go for a drink down the pub – what about getting the number of that new person at the bar? There are loads of things you can do to meet new people who will soon have you laughing and back to your old self. Fate will help you, but you have to take the first step out of the door.
5. Take your time. ‘Cos realistically, you’re not going to move on in a day. Will a one night stand make you feel better? Probably not. It’ll only leave you wishing the night was with your ex. Will tearing up all the photos of you together help? No. You know you’ll be in tears with the glue stick and gaffa tape in only a matter of hours. If it’s too upsetting to unpin the photos and letters from your notice board immediately, then don’t. Maybe wait a few weeks. Just remember that if you still have them up twenty years later then you’re bordering on Miss Havisham-creepy!
6. Finding it difficult to get over your ‘perfect’ ex? Write a list of all their negative qualities. Were they stubborn? Too shy? Too talkative? Start digging and you’ll find that Mr or Miss Perfect wasn’t actually as wonderful as you once thought. Brains tend to romanticise things when you miss them. It’s like school. But, given the chance, would you go back to those lazy, hazy days of the playground? No. The homework, boredom and rubbish teachers suddenly spring to mind…
7. Finally, take time apart. If you see them every day 24/7 it will just be impossible to move on. So, as heartbreaking as it might be, those tickets to see Take That may have to be given to a friend, and as for your ex’s family barbeque, well, better give it a miss! Still immersing yourself in their life will not make things better, and if anything, you’ll be living in the past and finding it impossible to move on. So, for every date that you wipe out of your diary that would have been spent with the ex, add a new one with a friend or relative. Simples!
And although life may be not as simples as those furry meerkats make things seem, things do get better in time. You might well up in anger while you’re walking somewhere just weeks after you have broken up, but in a couple of months, this should stop. That old thing called ‘time’ is a big healer. So, less moping, more getting out there and seeing the world. Get your rusty dusty contact book out. Do something different and new and remember that you’re ex wasn’t perfect… who is? Remember: happiness comes from within, and only you can make yourself happy. Other people can add to our well-being, but we shouldn’t depend on them. So, take my advice and the new you in your I’m-going-to-treat-myself-shopping-spree-outfit will be smiling… and perhaps catching the eye of someone else…
